If you knew me 15 years ago, I would’ve laughed at you when you asked whether I was going to have kids. “I’ll teach them all day long, but I like my sleep,” I would scoff, and I meant it. Well, I’m here to tell my old self that every sleepless night has been more than worth it. From the moment I first saw the life that was birthed from my body, to the moment she set the dinner table without being asked, to all the moments in between, and to all the moments I haven’t lived yet- I can tell you from experience, sleep is overrated.
When Claire was born, a friend observed that if you say her full name quickly, Claire Reidy sounds like clarity. An interesting play on words, and one that I’ve held on to. Becoming a mom really did provide a sort of clarity, a triage if you will. My bottom line became very clear, and whenever a decision needs to be made, I always start with my family first. My life builds outward from there, the center of my universe. I am grateful for this perspective, and having added another little person to my nuclear unit, I recently can say that I am comfortable in my own skin.
It’s kind of odd, really, and until now I haven’t put words to the feeling. I still have the old desires- the wish to be more slender, the wish to color my grays, etcetera, etcetera. But those wishes don’t haunt me like they used to. When I look in the mirror now, instead of angst, I can actually smile at my dimply body and say, “Thank you for my babies.” I look forward to nourishing my body with what it needs to be healthy, not depriving it to become something else. I want to teach my children self-love and self-worth, and I intend to practice it as often as I can. This year is off to an exciting start, and I am buckled up for the ride.
It’s been 16 weeks since Sean was born. 16 weeks since I became a mom of two.
16 weeks of suddenly knowing without a shred of doubt, that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.