Oh, autocorrect, how I loathe thee. I’m convinced autocorrect is out to humiliate me…and is hell-bent on actually making my life more difficult!
Just this past week autocorrect has embarrassed me like a seventh grader at the school dance with toilet paper stuck to her foot. Autocorrect is set in its ways, and manipulates my words into inappropriate and poorly timed messages.
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend a — what I guess you might call “new friend”. This particular friend knows me professionally, but does necessarily understand my dry humor and sass. As I was typing a message, describing a recent work interaction, I meant to write
And how do you…..
To screw me, autocorrect changed it to
Um…. Seriously? I have never, in my entire life used the phrase Ahoy Seaman! I have no idea how or why autocorrect decided Ahoy Seaman was a more appropriate choice than “And how do you.” Needless to say (1) I was mortified and (2) I had some explaining to do.
The most inconvenient autocorrect fail, for me personally, is when I want to write the word fucking!!!! (which is a lot) Autocorrect ALWAYS changes it to ducking. I can’t even deal! Who even says ducking…and why? Ducking has to be one of my most frequently sent words. Ugh! It’s like my mother sabotaged autocorrect and is trying to tame my trucker-like, slang, message lingo. Duck you autocorrect seriously, go duck yourself!
Me and my bestie have an inside joke about a particular gentleman acquaintance we have. We may or may not have coined a nickname for this individual and now every single time I try to write…
Autocorrect automatically inserts the nickname. Which is funny, until you’re sending that gentleman a message and you have to try to come up with a story to get yourself out of boiling hot water and prevent yourself from looking like a total ass.
Of course there’s my favorite
I honk you…
Which autocorrect has decided is better than
I think you…
So when I message my boss, “I honk you should have me do the report,” I am obviously taken very seriously.
Lastly, there’s the epic Frank you very much! Because I don’t have an Uncle Frank, I don’t know Frank, and Frank can go duck himself!
Let my embarrassment be a lesson to you, autocorrect is not your friend. It’s an evil little wizard looking to distort your thoughts and words!