It was a long Monday, (why are Mondays always so long?) I was dealing with a very clingy/fussy baby all day and when the nanny arrived I only had a few moments of relief before my next “shift” would begin with my son after school. I got into the car and felt exhausted, did I mention I only got four hours of broken sleep for the past few nights? I picked up my son from basketball and we headed to the grocery store. After filling the cart we rushed to the register; I needed to hurry home and start dinner. The groceries were scanned, then bagged and it was time for me to swipe my card and go. I reached into my purse only to realize I had forgotten my wallet.
“Seriously, again,” I thought. The cashier suggested they hold the cart in the back freezers, so I could return and pay for my items. Just what I wanted to do, drive in rush hour traffic to get back home and then back to the grocery store. This is not the first time this has happened to me. It was a first for the grocery store, but since having my daughter I have forgotten my wallet at clothing stores, drugstores and Starbucks more times than I’d like to admit. It’s not only my wallet I have been forgetting these days, I forget to reply to emails, forget to schedule parent/teacher meetings, forget to bring my son’s lunch to school, forget to buckle my oldest in his car seat, forget appointments, etc. This is my brain these days, the culprit, sleep deprivation.
I am deeply sleep deprived, and I know, all moms with newborns tend to feel this way. But, come on, it’s been six months, can I please get some sleep or at least learn how to function on 3-4 hours of sleep? I can count on one hand, one, the number of nights I have slept for more than five straight hours. How sad is it that five hours of sleep is my goal. If the baby sleeps well, the toddler does not, and vise versa. One, only one, night of true sleep has been had since my baby was born. Our nanny actually volunteered to sleep over one night so I could get sleep, and I slept 7.5 straight magical hours.
I thought by now my body was supposed to learn how to function without sleep? The thing is, I’m not just tired and forgetful, this lack of sleep has made me very cranky, cranky and lazy. Ask me a question before my coffee, and lookout. When given the option of working out or resting, I almost always choose rest.
I wake up cranky and swear tomorrow I will try sleep training again. Then I remember this thing called perspective. I am all too aware that these cuddle moments are fleeting. I truthfully love when she sleeps in my bed or on my shoulder. I tell myself soon enough I will sleep, soon enough I will be able to go to the gym 5 days a week again, soon enough I will feel better. Until then, I just need to work on remembering my wallet…