Maybe I shouldn’t be writing this post as I sit in the lab for my hour glucose test. I would objectively think it was a brilliant use of my time. But as the lack of food and whatever ridiculous stuff is in that orange drink set in, I’m a bit loopy. So, I guess I’ll use that as an excuse for what is going to be a stream of consciousness patchwork of what’s pinging around in my brain this morning.
First, I’d like to complain about the person who schedules appointments at my ob/gyn’s office. At my last appointment, the assistant who took my blood pressure etc. gave me the paperwork for the glucose test. I asked her if I had to fast and she said “No, just don’t eat a big breakfast.” Well, how do you define “big”? I thought. Then when I was “checking out,” the woman who schedules appointments said to me, “You know you have to fast, right?” And I said, “No, I was told I did not have to fast.” “Well,” she continued, “it says so right here (pointing at the paperwork). It says ‘Is patient fasting?'”
Insert dramatic pause here. On what planet is a question a directive? (Ok, not including the parent planet where you might ask your children questions in a gentle or not so gentle way to get them to do something. “Did you wash your hands?” That is a different planet than this one of adults communicating with one another.) Who would interpret that question, buried on a form you submit to your lab with all sorts of other medical mumbo-jumbo, as an instruction to fast? I am an ardent rule-follower, and I would never come to that conclusion.
*You will not believe what just happened! Another preggo waltzed into this lab for her glucose test and when the technician asked her if she had eaten, she very nonchalantly yet firmly said, “Yes.” WTF lady at my doctor’s office! And WTF me for not calling my office back to confirm with a nurse whether I had to fast or not.*
When I started this story, my main point was to complain about someone who was trying to impose a nonsensical interpretation of language on a form upon me. Now I’m upset because I can feel the synapses in my brain struggling to make their connections like someone huffing and puffing through an airport late for the boarding call as an attendant calls his name over the intercom – which I’m sure would not be the case had I eaten some cereal or toast this morning.
And now I’m sufficiently impaired so I have forgotten the other things I had on my mind when I started this. Now I’m left staring at a sign on the counter of the lab that says, “We MUST copy each patient’s ins cards at every visit [this is even highlighted in pink to drive the point home] even if you were here recently.” And I’m wondering if “were here” makes sense. Is it grammatically correct? It just looks weird. Right? Right?!
Thankfully my hour is up momentarily, so I think I’ll take this opportunity to conclude. Except that the technician is now trying to draw blood from a little boy who I can hear softly sobbing and now I’m crying. Pregnancy is awesome!