Doubt is a seemingly innocuous noun, short in letters and soft in sound, but to have doubt is a powerful emotion. Doubt as a verb is even more controlling and dangerous, meaning to have no confidence in someone or something. To doubt and to have doubts is human; we all experience this phenomenon from time to time. We probably all experience doubt far more than we care to admit.
As this weekend approaches, I find myself filled with doubts. I am nervous. I am feeling ill-prepared. I lack confidence. This is hard to write, hard to admit, and more difficult still to wrestle with emotionally. This weekend I am registered to run 16.2 race miles, a family 5K on Saturday, which I am super excited about, and a Half on Sunday which is the source of all my nervousness! 13.1 miles will be my longest run since my injury. I signed up for this race, telling myself that I would treat it as a training run for my upcoming Half later in February. Even though I tell myself it’s just another training run, my mind cannot compute it not being a real race, because it is a really real race. I will be picking up my race packet on Friday, I will be standing at a starting line Sunday morning, and there will be other runners surrounding me – all indications of a race – plus medals, there will be medals for the finishers. I love me some bling which most definitely is not given out for training runs.
I know all this is foolishness. Logic will eventually prevail. I do realize that run or run/walk, I will cross the finish line of this Half. I know my time doesn’t have to be pretty to finish. I know the competition is only within me. Believing I can do it, will propel me forward to do it, even if doing it means running 10 miles and walking 3.1. I know all this. I know doubt won’t stop me, but I want to share I am having doubts. It’s okay to be uncertain. No one is confident 100% of the time. While my friends may be impressed with my 10 mile training runs, I am not because they aren’t 14 mile training runs – yet. I have a ways to go still with my rehab; it leads to my fears, but I will not allow them to have power over me.
Don’t let your doubt sabotage your actions, get out there and make it happen.