Well, the time has come for me to separate from my role as a stay at home mother. I will resume my duties in my work place next Monday- I could say I am ready, but that would be half a lie!
The truth is, it will be hard for me to separate myself from the routine I have created. I wake up in the middle of the night feeling calm, understanding that I have the whole next day to collect my sleepless self. I am able to wake up my oldest son, make him a hot breakfast, and enjoy my coffee while catching up on other people’s issues on Facebook. I am able to put my son on the school bus, wave goodbye to him, and blow kisses until I can’t see the bus any longer. I am able to meet up with my exercise buddies and cover miles every day. I am able to wear sweats and lay around nursing my baby all day, and not worry about the other things I should be doing, because this is our time together. How will this separation affect the children?
I waited 9 long months to meet my last born son. I waited 9 long months to change his disgusting diapers (that smell very similar to microwave popcorn, by the way). I waited 9 long months to hold him, and snuggle him, and feel his warm breath on my cheek. Nine months! And I have had 12 amazing weeks to get to embrace every inch and second we’ve had together. Twelve weeks to understand his cries, to learn what each one means. Twelve weeks to snuggle him, and figure out how he likes to fall asleep. Twelve weeks to watch his first smile, twelve weeks to hold onto him before I have to hand him over to someone else.
I’m very sad to know that I will not always be the one to whisper hush into his little ear when he has gas that he can’t quite pass. I’m very sad to know that he will cry for me, and I will not be there to comfort him when he is confused or scared or hungry. I’m very sad to know that already time is flying by- that it has already been twelve weeks, and my newborn is already an infant. I am very sad! How will this separation affect him?
I will not see my son off to school in the mornings, anymore. I will not be able to send him off with a hot breakfast in his belly. I will not be able to blow him kisses until I can’t see the bus any longer. I will not be able to hear about his day at school until the evening closes in. I will not be able to drive him to school and carry the extra things he needs, or be a face in the halls at his school. I will be almost an hour away, doing my part to provide for my family. How will this separation affect him?
My husband has been handling the morning duties with our middle child, he wakes him and dresses him and gets him off and ready for his days at school. They have a nice little routine worked out and they have created a bond in their relationship. I hate to see it end. They get coffee and donuts together and talk about the sunrise. They share daycare pick up reports, and my husband gets to have that excited smile and hug a child gives to their parent after hours of separation each day. With me going back to work, I will now be the one getting him off to school. How will this separation affect him?
As a family, we waited 9 months to see how our lives would be affected with the addition of another family member. As a family we met, greeted, endured, celebrated and conquered the last twelve weeks. We have formed from a family of four to a family of five. We have moved from preschool to kindergarten, we have turned from two to three, thirty-nine to forty, we have run and walked miles upon miles to get to where we are today, and whether or not I’m ready- it’s time to separate!
It’s time to adjust to another schedule, it’s time to adjust to allowing others to step in when I can’t.
It’s simply just time, and this separation couldn’t affect me any harder than it is at this very moment!
I will embrace my new role again as a working mother. I will encourage my children to conform once again, and I will enhance my ability to provide for my family!
But if you see me on Monday, offer a hug, because this separation is killing me!