Ah, Runitlikeamom is about balance. But how do you know what the right balance is? Today’s post is about balancing each family members’ needs. Am I right, or am I right, in recognizing that each of us isn’t in extremis all of the time. Now, the more people in a family the odds go up that more than one will feel needy at the same time.
How do we learn to let others know that we need a little TLC? If you are like me, you didn’t. You learned to keep a stiff upper lip. This also can lead to expecting others to do the same, but it can also lead to being very empathetic. Be aware that sometimes the cost of not letting people know you are stretched to the breaking point makes them wonder just exactly what they did to make you mad at them. It can also lead to health problems and a myriad of other misunderstandings. So it is important for us to know how to let those we care for — and who care for us– when we just can’t take it! (whatever “it” is.)
Years ago my husband and I recognized the most difficult time for us as a couple is when we are BOTH feeling like we need an extra hug, or for the other to ignore just plain bad behavior. I’ve learned to say it aloud (as has he): “Gee, we both seem a little touchy — I’ll tell you about what is bothering me if you tell me about what is bothering you!” Or, “I know you are under a lot of pressure, but I’m feeling the same way. Let’s just try to be nicer to each other until it passes.”
The same strategy works for parents and children. We all want to be acknowledged and accepted for who/what/where we are at any given time. This does not mean that acting out should be accepted all the time. It DOES mean two things: 1) if your child or spouse is acting out, you may need to spend some careful time with them to figure out if there is a serious life event that is troubling them; and 2) if the cause is not serious, but they’ve made a case for why they are being a jerk/brat/b**ch, help them by giving them some slack and when things settle down, discuss more direct (more pleasant!) ways they could get support from you.
PS, this goes for you (and me) too!
I’m sorry this post was a little late today. I’m in the middle of a major life transition and it is exhausting. I’ve been traveling to and from what may be our new home town in another state, finding a short-term rental, and beginning the permanent housing search in a market that has nothing like where we’ve been for the last 21 years. With a puppy. With a puppy who has a GI tract that is easily disrupted. With a puppy who has kept me up 2 nights in a row. And a husband who has a new job.
There, I’ve done it. I’ve let you know I need a little understanding right now. It feels like whining to me, but hopefully it doesn’t to you.
Practice letting others’ know how you really are feeling. You may be surprised at the benefits. Let me know!
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